The disagreeable familiarity of ‘deja vu’ is thick here lately.
A difficult diagnosis sees me revisiting the past.
When my love was hurt I spent countless hours searching, reading, learning all the ins and outs of the giant before us.
When it was my little girl on the receiving end of bad news again I found the need to learn and know more.To educate myself so I could better walk that path beside her.
This time around a much-loved father is in the firing line and here I am once more. Searching, reading, asking questions. All the while again wishing this next mountain away.
No life, however, is without hardship, heartache does not discriminate. The difficult calls me deep, redefining what’s important. Stretching me, increasing my capacity.
I crave an easier path. This weight is uncomfortable, to say the least. Yet I am learning to train my eyes to look for silver linings. The blessings while not always obvious are I find abundant when hunted down, and the lessons learned are priceless.
It’s in the darkness that I have been taught to see the true value of things.
Perspective was learned through the doors of a burns unit. Some things never leave you.
The power of hope was understood during a season of children’s oncology – chronic illness is an accomplished teacher.
I learned to trust as we walked to the edge of poverty and the bills kept rolling in.
Endurance was taught as I walked alongside severe depression.
When we fought giants in the highest courts I learned the importance of truth and perseverance.
Truest joy was that much brighter after understanding heartbreak.
I am learning what it is to have faith, ….the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things unseen…
To see the gifts born out of the darkness …to truly understand the value of life, love, health and time …knowing none are promised.
I live differently now. Love differently. Ever thankful for the understanding that light outshines dark, love conquers fear and I am never in it solo.
God is always good.
Our track record is good, his and mine. I can trust this next hurdle into his hands… all the while seeking out silver linings, and stretching myself to learn the lessons this season has to offer.