Disconnect.

Strange space to find myself after all we’ve walked … find my feet touch ground in familiar yet uncharted territory .

The girl I used to be would have fit this space in a much more tidy manner …, but all that looked neat and pruned has long been lost to the wilderness wandering ….yet here I am, come full circle back to my beginning, and instead of homecomings there’s frustration in this space .

Meek and mild has been lost to the dusty bareness of yesterday ..and its a state I’ve fought to shed .. a skin torn off for survival sake. I fought hard to find my voice and own it fearless of the repercussions. I braved the onslaught to find my feet, and it has cost me dearly. Knowing too well her value, I will hold this freedom firmly. She will not slip my grasp again .

The tension of the now leaves my whistful good intention lost to arson desires …. frustration of being wholly delivered but not yet free ….. I seek to burn the old to the ground …. if I thought old skins could hold and new life Id randsom them, but I know better … old attire doesn’t birth new beginnings. Its got to fall before it can be remade … they say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result …and yet here we are ..pinned beneath a glass ceiling that wants shattering but without the braves to do it.

How can hearts hold so clearly a picture of what’s to come yet those same hearts have heads that totally miss the mark? Are our heads slower than our hearts to catch fire? To feel the winds of change upon us? Are we deaf to the wisdom carried on the wind?

Our hearts hear the cry but heads are stuck in yesterdays ways.

Why can’t we truly grasp the flow that comes from standing boldly in our skins under heaven breath and letting the imperfections of our presentation, the unplanned melodies of souls and lives be enough? If we believe that in our weakness he is strong then why do we seek to show a perfect flawless face, a polished production as it were … when underneath its all is strive not grace. Why do we fill the gaps that should be left ..why don’t we leave the space for grace to flow unfettered …uncharted ….unplanned. We must get better at holding space and see the flaws and imperfections as holy ground.

Why cant we see that to meet the need all we must do is stand ,living catalyst though honest vulnerability and watch the power raw truth holds when humbly extended on arms of grace .

Hands and feet do not require much but a willing heart .Yet hands are only useful if not prefilled with busyiness.

Feet only serve when walking in the way of grace ….in step with heavens timing …no purpose in running ahead , no wisdom in lagging behind .

Hearts can only be touched if walls are taken down long enough to peer through.

Walls only fall when its safe to do so .

Best intentions don’t save hearts or lives ,only face . .its got to be more … promises are only as weighty as their delivery . After all without delivery its only lip service .Words are only words without action behind them . Love is a verb not just an idealistic position .

Theories and philosophies fill the air and yet nothing changes, nothing of substance is achieved …lost are still lost, lonely are still lonely …and the loved walk in circles only grasping this truth at the head level and missing heart entirely and in doing so are unchanged, restricted….suppressed .

To truly know love ….is to live loved …this is cellular in its understanding and it changes everything .

If I could strike a match and burn the mucky middle bit that clouds vision to the ground I would wholeheartedly. I’d hold back the water till only dust and ashes remain, and we see the truth more clearly

This disconnect between head and heart … is so entirely damning … rendering the fresh in danger of becoming stale …the life spilling out wasted …lost to time and pointless wanderings .

Strive and fall or rest and rise .

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