Seems courage is missing ….fear takes place as counterfiet memories rampage through  distorting a  mind …

Grass is always greener elsewhere and its true for a while till you realise that all green lawns are labour intensive .

Shame and guilt arrive and unpack suitcases settling in and making them selves comfy .. they are here to haunt and taunt..to sabotage the lifeline and steal the light of hope .

They breathe fakery ..spawning lies and mindgames that spew venom onto holy hearts .

But it doesnt stick .

Holy hearts are held in hands of grace and they know truth from disfunction .Refusing to be drawn into the twisted games of broken down queens .

Prefering to stand apart . Staying sweet , honest and open .

Heavens own hand fights for these beloved ones , theres no need to muddy ourselves in this mess .

Sweetness and truth hold strength unparalleled. Grace allows one to be bent perhaps but never broken .

The storms serve only to strengthen our roots .. sending them deeper still .

Heavens life force flows through them .Unmoveable . Unshaken . Undeterred.

This isnt were the road seemed to lead .. but hands of grace guide us through illuminating futures bright …and its ok this detoured road .

No fear lives here . Regret and sorrow dont get to take up space but are moved out as quickly as they arrived .

So the adventure continues.

Having learnt long ago what love is and what it isnt makes this space only blessed .

Love releases… lets go ..fighting for a heart doesnt make it yours .

Never trust a heart that had to be drawn, seduced manipulated or tempted into residence .

Love is freely given . Freely recieved .Held loosely and wishes blessing not curses .

Love doesnt control or manipulate. Doesnt hunt down threatening spreading lies and rumores wide .

Love is not obsession .
Love is not toxic ..it does not poision .

It holds space . Stays in grace and releases out, breathing blessings for the road ahead .

Love never fails .. it doesnt damage ..doesnt lie ..doesnt break the hearts its bound to care for .

Those things never flow from one who loves …only from hearts that have lost themselves in swirls of deception and vicious cycles of disfunction.

Grace teaches truth . Teaches hearts to recognise love when they encounter it .

Life is heavy without grace carrying the weight . This heart does not  pretend to have it all figured out but is thankful the weight of the walk is shared load.

In our joy and in our pain there is stablity as we are planted deep in heavens heart unmovable , protected , sure footed .

So here we stand …5 again not 6. Praying sight to the blind . Mercy to the broken and blessing over the ones that curse us ..This is how we walk contrary to this life .This is heavens way .


RUINS derelict and abandon. Came upon them by suprise, silent and unsort.

This wasnt really where I pictured us. After all this holy ground is ruined city, desolate and unkept.

Its been looted and vandalised to an extent that if you didnt know what stood here before it would be unrecognisable .

This landscape is pretty badly beaten up, I wont lie.

Ruins are full of ragged edges. Shards of glass stick out here and there at odd angles .Fallen beams and broken staircases are a trip hazard and we tread carefully trying to weave a path through the wreakage and come out the other end without more damage then before.

By faith, eyes are able to see through the distortion…percieving like  visionaries the beauty that could stand .

Before the earth shook down this city, before the vandals attacked her walls and war broke out.

She was once beautiful.
Full of promise.
Built for delight and home and heart and family.

She nursed dreams within her walls. Laughter rung out and adventures were seeded deep in her gardens waiting for the time to sprout, grow, leaf and fruit.. but it never came.

Winter fell heavy.
Those dreams froze deep in the earth .Spring never arrived . 

Wars raged around her.She became collateral damage to the surrounding disfunction.

Her foundations,always a little sketchy, cracked apart and she crumbled

Heart left the city and it was turned over to whomever felt entitled to rampage her walls.

Now back here we stand beholding ruins and wondering where to start.

It seems that even the harshest winters never really last .Spring always comes and those deep seeded dreams aren’t dead at all to our suprise but amongst the chaos and cracked open earth have felt the sun and sprouted up in search of light.

Within this shattered landscape life breathes again.

Hope like seedlings springs up in the most unlikely places and although the envirionment is ragged still, we find it punctuated with the vibrance of possibilities regrowth.

Wisdom, grace and insight is desperately sort to know where to begin .
This is a restoration project of epic proportion and building on broken-down foundations is a fools game .

We aim to build it slow and right.
Taking time to ensure steadfast footings.
To clear the clutter and remove the rubble.

To see the space to draft new blueprints and begin again with guidance of an architects eye and hand.

To build sturdy castles here in this landscape is the dream.With stronger  boundry lines that keep the vandals out and higher towers to gaze futher into the future then we could see before.

To dream impossible dreams and plant them like seeds deep in fertile grounds.

To tend these gardens well and have them bare holy fruit for generations on.

Healthy strong cities birth legacy and hold high the hearts that follow in the labourours wake.

What once was impossible now seems tangible.We dare to forge the path that is seldom walked .

Its said nothing worth doing is ever easy, what is easy never lasts.

This restoration is far from effortless but we are standing tall believing the sweat and tears are blessed.

Healing after all is seldom pretty. But much like reconstruction fortification is a nesassary element.

Foundations now built on hope and heart trusting the rest will follow.

Such is life that when we find our feet and learn the landscape, the earth turns suddenly and all that was is at once undone .

Faith allows sight to see these ruins for what that are and yet overlay them with what will be .

Holding fast to what was is staying stuck in ruins desolate.
Instead we choose to take a leap and start a journey deep into new beginings.

Forgiveness ends wars , takes power back from vandels hands .
It offers clean slate. Its the gift that rewrites a new tomorrow. Birthing future in her wake .

All thats required is the courage to chase down the truth, Catching hold of light and choose to see beyond the present mess and futher into tomorrow.

5 minutes more

alarm alarm clock analog analogue
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I did a hard thing today…an afternoon at the dentist and my face is still numb! One gigantic filling later and I’ve realized giving in to my fears and letting them control me ( total dental phobia to the point of vomiting, I kid you not !) has meant I have avoided dealing with this issue for far to long and as a result the fixing up of me is going to be painful both financially and physically .

Seems to me I do this a lot .. I expend a lot of energy trying to avoid the triggers .. avoid the pain … avoid the conflict, the possible rejection.Preferring to patch it up, put a good face on and maybe it will go a bit further, last a bit longer. Maybe it will skate through unnoticed? But the truth is there is no real healing, just prolonging and compounding the inevitable. No more! Truth in all its ugly rawness whilst not pain-free it is at the least authentic!

Today I was honest. I showed up. All the while authentically freaking out! I’ve holes in my palm from digging the nails of my hand so hard into my skin to distract myself from the primal desire to bolt or throw up.But I did it! Survived the fear. Beat my flesh into submission and received the restoration. It took just 5 minutes more of bravery then I had attempted before.5 minutes more and the fear subsided giving way to that inner voice that spoke encouragingly “Look, you’re doing it !”

Maybe that is all any of it will take? Maybe instead of avoiding the hard things all it might take is just 5 minutes more of standing firm .. 5 minutes more of holding my tongue .. 5 minutes more of loving … 5 minutes more of prayer …5 minutes more before the breakthrough … Its been a rough season around here of late.But if I look at tomorrow in increments of 5-minute bundles .. I can do it!

God is faithful .. and I am learning to do hard things.I am learning he will not ask of me anything more than what I am capable of with him by my side . I am learning the depths of my own capacity and the abundance of his love and grace for me. And I can do it, just 5 minutes more.